That spot was empty....

This was bound to happen one day, I knew it. But, I didn't know it will happen so soon. Mr. Polite passed away early this week. The hospice coordinator called me early this week to share the news. At that time, the news did not sink in. Besides, I was occupied with a lot of work to actually think about it. That evening when I was driving back home, his images kept flashing in front of my eyes. He was so polite, so courteous. He was a charmer, even at this age. Even though we did not spend a lot of time together, but I did get to know him a little bit. Its sad that he had to leave, but I'm sure he is in a better place. God bless his soul.

I made my usual visit to the hospice. I was bummed out after hearing Mr. Polite's news, so I was not in the best of my moods. My spirits were low. My routine would be to say Hi to Mr. Polite first, sit and chat with him before meeting others. He used to have a specific place where he would have dinner every night. But, this time, there was no one there. That spot was empty. I moved on.

I was looking Miss Lovely Smile. I was told that she was in her room. Like last time, I decided to go see her in her room. She was sitting on her wheelchair with her back towards the door. I went up to say Hi to her, but the response was not as enthusiastic as last time. She was going to start eating her dinner so I offered to serve. She seemed to be very tired. I was trying to talk to her, but she would give me a blank look. Sometimes she would give a huge smile, other times she would get lost in her thoughts. She seemed to be confused. It could be the effect of the medications. So, after every few minutes, I would try to strike a conversation with her, but all futile.
My expectations from her had risen after the positive responses from her the last few times. Even if her behavior was normal this time, it was a let down for me because I'm used to seeing a cheerful lady with a smile on her face. Nevertheless, I stayed with her for some time trying to keep up a conversation. When I left, I wasn't very happy with the day.
I got back home and got a chance to ponder over stuff. I recalled that all this while I knew the patients are in their final years/months/weeks of their lives. Death is a natural phenomenon. We can't fight it and we have no option other than to accept it and move on. The least I can do it make these last few moments enjoyable.

A lesson to learn here is that all of us will die, some sooner than later. What is important is to live each day. Do something good every day/week/month/year that makes your life worth living. Its karma. Be open in your views. Learn from people around you, learn from their experiences, learn from failure and from success. When your time comes, you will look back and wonder if you did what you wanted to do. At that time, you want to answer a big 'YES'.

Just another visit.. but a tad different

Every time I go to the hospice, I think to myself what new is this one hour going to bring me today. I must say that I'm surprised every time.

This Wednesday was a bit of a rush for me. I got tied up at work, so I practically rushed my way to the hospice. I had to take care of some errands in the evening, so I did not have much time to spend at the hospice today. I entered the doors thinking what's going to be new today. I was surprised to see that Mr. Polite was not on his usual table having dinner. I asked around and found out that he had to be transferred to another hospice temporarily. I was looking around for Ms. Lovely Smile and found out that she is in her room. I decided to go check on her and spend some time. I enter her room and he is lying on her bed listening to the radio. She saw me and greeted me with a huge smile, like always. This time she took the initiative to ask me how I was. It did seem like she recognized me and was looking forward to my visit. I asked her a couple of questions and she seemed to be responding very well. Not even once did it seem justified for her to be at a hospice. She and I were having a very lively conversation. She was sharing with me how she feels that her memory is becoming poor. Instead of making it a sad piece of conversation, I joked with her that I feel I'm losing memory too (it is true, in a way!) and we laughed it away. I must say that its a delight to see her laugh heartily! She even said that I was funny! (No one has called me funny!!!). A lot of times she shushh'd me to listen closely to the song and remember the song and the singer. I must say that I was quite impressed. We kept talking for a while and she repeated that she is losing memory. I thought I'll ask her if she remembers my name (just for fun sake). As far as I remember, I told her my name the first day we were introduced. Did not even mention it after that. She did not pronounce my name correct, but she was pretty darn close! I was absolutely amazed! And she seemed pretty happy that she got it right, almost.
She complemented me that I look very pretty. I blushed a little and then I told her that I think she was a beautiful smile. She didn't believe me and said that I was lying. I immediately took a photo of her and showed it on my phone so she could see it herself. She looked at her picture and blushed!
I was having a very pleasant conversation with her. Sadly, I had to leave early to take care of certain chores. But, today was a very, very pleasant evening conversation with her. I could see that she didn't want me to leave. But, I had to.


Life runs a full circle. Old-age brings you back to childhood, in a certain way. At this age, they need complete support from their children, who they painstakingly raised to adulthood, to take care of them and be by their side. It aches my heart to see them being taken for granted. I, myself, have taken a while to understand and realize their importance in my lives. All they need is love and affection from their loved ones. The least we can do is be there when they need us. This volunteer position makes me appreciate my folks even more each day. I hope I grow up to support them in every way I can and be by their side, always.

Jan 27 and Feb 3 2010

This entry reflects my previous 2 visits to the hospice and interaction with the patients. The hospice visit has now become a part of my routine. Every week, I look forward to the coming Wednesday on what new learning will it bring to me. The past 2 visits went by pretty normal. I went up with Mr. Polite and had a lovely conversation with him. Every week, without fail, he does not forget to compliment me. There is a new adjective every week… from beautiful, pretty, wonderful and now radiant. I wonder what he is going to say next week. The past 2 visits have been very conversational with him. Initially, a couple of times I have had to struggle with stuff to talk about. But, the past 2 times, he has been very conversational. It is good in a way that he is become more and more responsive. What disturbs me is that he has no sense of his current situation. He, probably, recollects his past memories and starts re-living them. For instance, yesterday he was talking about how he and his wife decided not to sell their house and how he enjoyed playing tennis with his buddy that he met after a long, long time. He was imagining that he was sitting in a restaurant in LA and having dinner with his buddy. He then asked me how my day went and whether I was able to find a new tennis group. He probably thinks I’m one of his old tennis friends. At this point, I was in an ethical dilemma whether to tell him the truth or play along with him. It would break my heart to tell him that he is a patient and he is at a hospice, not a restaurant. I decided to just play along with his imaginative stories. I’m pretty confident that in his young days he must have been a real charmer!

I was sad to hear that Miss Beautiful Eyes had to be moved to another hospice for better care. I really started seeing some positive response from her. There was something about her, about her eyes that made me want to know more and keep talking to her. I don’t know if I’ll be able to continue to see her, but I hope she does well.

Meanwhile, Miss Lovely Smile has been surprising me every time. I am getting used to seeing such positive response from her. I didn’t get to see her last week since he was bed-ridden. Yesterday, I went up to her while she was having dinner. I try to keep it cheerful with her to see her response. She gave me a huge smile and it radiated to her eyes. That alone was enough for me! I sat down next to her trying to have a conversation. She was more response than last time, though I still had to try hard to hear her talk. To my surprise, not only was she keeping up with the conversation, she was also engaging in one herself. One of other patients at the table was shouting and making faces at attract attention. Instant, we looked at each other and shared a smirk! ;) That was wonderful! I could see that she must have been a fun-loving person, that attribute still exists within her. I then helped her finish the dinner and I made sure I was asking questions and seeking response from her. It is very encouraging to see such a positive response from her.

Before I started volunteering at this hospice, I warned how emotionally exhaustive this can be, especially when the patients you visit are not showing a positive response. I must say that I was both nervous and apprehensive on what kind of response I will receive. But, I’m lucky to be getting such positive responses from the patients that I am visiting. It hurts to see these patients at the end of their life. Most of them have lived on to gain wonderful experiences and parts of their personalities are still reflected in certain aspects of their behavior. I feel rewarded to be able to interact with them and glean on their experiences.