That smile.... made my day!!!

I was really tired today to go for a visit. It seems like a long, long time that I last visited them. For some reason, I wasn't feeling up to it. But, I still decided to go.
As usual, it was dinner time. I waited till they finished up most of the dinner, otherwise its uncomfortable to talk while eating. I just sat in the hall for about 10 minutes, observing everyone around. I saw a particular patient who sitting on the table all alone. The patient was mumbling something and had a pen and paper on the table. She kept talking (though no one was next to him/her) and started jotting down something on the paper. I was tempted to have a look at what was written, but I felt it would be rude and I would be intruding her privacy. I restrained myself, but was keeping an eye on her.
After a while, I went to take my usual rounds with my buddies. I went up to my cheerful buddy, Mr. Polite, who was finishing up dinner. We had a conversation, but this time it seemed like I had to take a lot of initiative to talk. It didn't seem like he was in a very happy mood, unlike last time. But, he was still at his polite behavior. He did not forget to mention how beautiful I was looking and also to say Thank You to the fine lady who picked up his dinner plates.
Anyway, I proceeded to the other patient Miss Lovely Smile, who was very responsive to me last time. I was looking forward to meeting her today and curious to see the response I get this time. Frankly, I set my expectations low as I thought it was a momentary reaction. Boy! I was wonderfully surprised. Not only did she remember me, she gave me a huge smile!!! And, I knew that smile was genuine because her face lit up, I could see the happiness in her eyes. For a moment, I thought my serotonin levels went up ( I was soooo happy to see that reaction). I could see in her eyes, that she recognized me. She started to have a conversation, but I was still finding it difficult to understand. I pulled a chair to sit next to her and was talking to her. Surprisingly, she was responding very well. I complemented her multiple times and saw the smile return on her face. It felt great.
After these few moments of happiness, I decided to go, meet my third buddy, Miss Beautiful Eyes! She had been responding quite well the first few times. But, she failed to recognize me the last time I visited her. I thought I will try again this time but she was too engrossed in her food to respond to me. I tried again later but no success. I was bummed.

Another day... another visit. I am curious to see what happens next week.

Did I make a difference? Jan 07, 2010

The patients I am visiting are elderly. Most of them are suffering from dementia, amongst other illnesses. Some of them need wheelchair assistance to walk. Most of them are not articulate, but they think they are. Some of them have family visiting them every now and then, others don't see a familiar soul for weeks altogether. So, when a stranger comes by and spends time with them, talk to them, listen to them; they love it. Verbal communication is not the only form of communication. Some of them love it when you just sit next them, hold their hand. They appreciate compassionate behavior and are responsive to it. They might not recognize me every week or be able to have a conversation with me, but they do feel my presence. They do respond to me, most of the times in non-verbal ways.

I have already made 3 visits to the hospice... I try to visit once every week. The first 2 went by without any significant event. I went there, chatted with my assigned patients and left. It was casual, very very casual.

There is one patient who is very, very responsive to volunteers. I always have a great conversation with him (Mr. Polite), who seems to be doing better. One other patient I typically visit had not been very responsive to me. I would go meet her (Miss Lovely smile) every time, but hardly got any response. I was told that she speaks incoherently and has difficulty responding. But this past meeting was different. I went up to her, just like any other time, to say hello. She had dinner on the table but was not eating it (which is always the case whenever I've seen). When someone came to take the food away, she signaled to stop them. She mumbled something that I couldn't understand. I asked again and this time it was a little louder so I could understand. She said that he/she is afraid of killing someone. I tried to comfort the fear and was holding her right hand. Just then, she brought her left hand to get a firm grip on my hand. I thought that was amazing. Not only was she being more responsive, but was also proactive in approaching to hold my hand. She started mumbling again, but I couldn't understand. It seemed that she was sad and just wanted someone to sit and listen to her. At one point, I thought I saw her eyes getting wet too. I just sat there, holding her hand and letting her keep a tight grip on mine. I asked if she wanted me to help eat dinner. She didn't respond, but I still thought I will try. Surprisingly, she allowed me to feed dinner (and this has never happened before!). When she had enough food, she was responsive enough to signal me to switch to dessert/water. I was really happy to see a good response. After dinner, it felt she just wanted me to hold her hand and sit right beside her. I tried to test it by releasing the grip on my hand to see if she tries to hold it back again. And she did, she wanted me to stay! I stayed with her for a while and then left.

I'm not sure if this response was just one time, or she will continue to respond well or not. But, I saw it was a positive sign.

Finally found... "The ONE"

After I started working, I had been looking for avenues that could use volunteer help. I did not have anything specific in mind, but I wanted it to have an impact. I am inclined towards helping children or the elderly, the ones that need our help the most.

I initially found an organization that provides an after school program to help bring certain kids, that are slow in learning, on par with others... I was very excited because I was making a change at the grassroot level. I was also very nervous since I had no experience of dealing with children in the 'learning' process. Due to scheduling issues, it did not work out. I was bummed just the way I would be when I would not be able to convert an interview to a job.

I restarted the process of looking for volunteer positions. It was by chance that I came across a hospice looking for volunteers. At that time, I knew it had something to do with the elderly. That was enough for me. I contacted them and found out that a hospice was infact an organization that helps people with terminal illness. That was the first time I heard the term. Without giving it a second thought, I jumped at the idea and was happy to help.

I had to go through a lot of training sessions to prepare me. Initially, I wasn't completely aware of what I was putting myself through. But, it was a noble cause... that all what mattered. I knew it wasn't going to be easy... but I was determined to consider it as a challenge and move forward with it. And so I did...

The realization...

It's been a while that I wanted to do something worthwhile whit my life... to help someone in need... provide support, in any form, without expecting any returns....

The realization came long time back when I started volunteering at a nearby Blind School. I had to take out only 1-2 hours every week and help read a book to one of the blind students there. She was preparing for her college exams. I would read the books to her, one by one, and she would record it on her tape recorder to listen to it later. I was amazed by her zest for life and the unbelievable speed with which she would understand difficult concepts.

The impact, even though small, that I had on her education made me realize how valuable I can be to someone who is in dire need, without even trying real hard. I was not expecting anything in return from her. I have been blessed with good family, good education and a great life. I felt that this could be my way to give back.